Reading 1-7 Bolton Wanderers: The Alternative Match Report

Iconic Chairman Phil Gartside thanked World Controller of All Finance, Eddie Davies, for the deal which saw jubilant scenes in front of a packed Reebok Stadium which mirrored scenes in La Liga as Real Madrid captured the sales of Bale and Ronaldo.

As you can see from the line ups below, the right-back went straight into the side.

Bolton Wanderers Line Up: Andy Lonergan, Nicky Hunt, Tim Ream, Mark Davies, Matt Mills, Zat Knight, Neil Danns, Jay Spearing, David N’Gog, Darren Pratley, Chung-Yong Lee

2nd min - Wanderers take the lead through Zat Knight power header.

The juggernaut centre back was seen picking up and throwing Adam Le Fondre 30 yards as he charged in for his first goal of the season.

The game was delayed for some time after as the power of the header burst through the net and injured a poor Reading fan, Knight kindly donated his shirt to the fan after the game and has been seen on auction site ‘eBay’ available for around £15,000.

10th min - Wanderers double their lead with Maradona-esque mazy run from Jay Spearing finished with a 20 yard lob and a ‘trademark’ back flip celebration.

The dynamic midfielder continued his recent good form that has seen him labelled ‘The Scouse Xavi’, the midfielder apologised on behalf of the squad after the game for being simply too good for this division.

23rd min - Wanderers are in heaven, as prodigal son Nicky Hunt dispatches a 25 yard half volley into the far top corner.

The fans favourite then jumps into the crowd to gather a flare which he performs a fire breathing trick to the delight of both Wanderers fans and Reading fans alike, although he has since been reprimanded by the FA.

39th min - Bolton have sealed the game in the first half after a well-worked corner routine see’s Tim Ream free on the back post and the USA International simply clips the ball home with his perfectly trimmed beard.

Defensive partner and fellow facial hair connoisseur Matt Mills lifts the American into the air as the 15,000 strong Bolton support loudly chant ‘U-S-A’, American counterpart Stuart Holden is pictured in the crowd in a teary eyed state.

HALF TIME

49th min - Bolton resume their complete dominance over their Southern rivals as returning Right-Back Hero Nicky Hunt scores a controversial 5th goal, only his third ever for the Wanderers.

A long Matt Mills cross-field diagonal is converted by the defender, who has certainly added to the growing case for him to be ‘on the plane’ for Roy Hodgson’s World Cup squad.

There was a touch of handball in the finish but Dougie Freedman felt the goal was a result of the hard work put in by his well-drilled Wanderers outfit.

63rd min - After numerous attempts and some wonderful link-up play, David N’Gog has his goal.

The striker, who has been criticised in the past due to the low return in expense of his high wages responded with the ‘make it rain’ celebration, he has afterwards dedicated his goal to financial guru Phil Gartside who confirmed that Whites fans needn’t worry about anything, ever.

84th min - Bolton fans who were already in dreamland, got the real moment they craved more than any other after Andy Lonergan’s mazy run from the goal saw him scythed down in the Reading penalty area and referee Perluigi Collina pointed to the spot.

Lonergan, quite sportingly handed the ball to Nicky Hunt who found the net delight with a delightful ‘Panenka’ penalty to seal his hat trick.

Hunt’s performance has come too later given that Cristiano Ronaldo has already claimed the coveted Ballon D’Or trophy, however the right back has said that he will continue to perform and who knows for next year’s contest.

90+2 min - With the ball in hand, Wanderers goalkeeper spots the injured Reading fan from Zat Knights opener, still nursing his injury and being comforted by his concerned mother.

In a true gesture of Sporting behaviour to even rival Di Canio’s famed catching of the ball when the goalkeeper was injured, Lonergan allows the Reading fan to enter the field of play and roll home a consolation goal for The Royals.

Despite not strictly following the laws of the game, Collina has been widely praised for allowing the goal to stand and along with Lonergan has been offered the coveted title of ‘The Freedom of Reading’.

The win keeps up Freedman’s magnificent record of winning every single game he has managed for any club, ever.