Afternoon and Merry Christmas one and all!
Now don't worry, I haven't written this today. I'm not mental.
I'm currently face down in a ditch after consuming my body weight in pigs-in-blankets and the father-in-law's finest scotch.
I thought it a wise use of my time to have a look back at 2014 and how it treated Bolton Wanderers Football Club, the greatest club in the world.
I've broken it down into handy categories and I hope you enjoy reading:
Goalkeeper of the Year
Now I know we're prone to overreaction and idiots like Thorn will no doubt have a paddy over this but I'm going for our Hungarian stopper Adam Bogdan.
Bogdan had a shaky run at the start of the year but came back strongly and has only lost the starting spot as a result of his latest finger injury. His contract expires at the end of the season meaning that from 1st January he can negotiate a free transfer move so long as it is with a non-UK club - I fear this will happen and we'll lose an excellent goalkeeper.
Honourable mention to Andy Lonergan for his latest run of form, but Boggers edges it for me as a result of being more consistent over a longer period of time.
Defender of the Year
The former Reading and Leicester City centre-half was on the way out of the club under previous manager Owen Coyle, before experiencing an upturn in form under his successor Dougie Freedman.
Since Neil Lennon arrived the player has taken the captain's armband from Jay Spearing and has led the club with distinction to be a worthy winner.
Honourable mention to Tim Ream, he of the slow-and-steady approach. Another consistent player, the American has made the left-back role his own in the absence of Marc Tierney.
Midfielder of the Year
I'm going for Neil Danns.
Danns joined the club under Freedman in September 2013 from Leicester City, and since then has gone on to be virtually first choice in the midfield, occupying a variety of roles from winger to attacking central midfielder to a recent holding role in front of the defence.
His energy, quick feet and tenacity has made the journeyman Liverpudlian a firm favourite amongst supporters. Another whose contract expires at the end of the season, he is certainly deserving of a new deal to extend his stay at the club.
Good singer too.
Forward of the Year
However, due to his contribution to Wanderers avoiding relegation in the first half of the year then the winner of this semi-prestigious award is Mr Lukas Jutkiewicz.
Another fan favourite, the striker joined on loan from Middlesbrough and led the line with hunger and desire, chipping in with crucial goals along the way.
It was to everyone's disappointment that we couldn't afford to sign him in the summer, and he has since moved on to Burnley and is playing Premier League football - so I'm sure he's not that disappointed.
Rookie of the Year
Again slim pickings. However, this award goes to Max Clayton.
Arriving from Crewe Alexandra for £300,000 in the summer, the youngster had made a great start to his Wanderers career scoring in the 3-1 spanking of 'somewhat outspoken' local rivals Wigan Athletic before being cruelly struck down by a knee injury against Ipswich Town last week.
The lad has been utilised in midfield and as a supporting attacker and showed great skill and enthusiasm - this injury shouldn't define his career and I expect him back bigger, stronger and better in 2015.
Again this award could have gone to Neil Danns, but I am going to be slightly controversial and give this particular category to everyone's favourite Korean - Lee Chung Yong Chung-Yong Lee.
I know he's not a newcomer really, but his resurgence under Neil Lennon has been like the club signing a new £10m player. Not in the same way that idiot Arsene Wenger embarrasses himself when jabbering on about Abou Diaby's latest return, but in the way that Star Wars has come back.
A slight change of position has meant that CYL LCY has now emerged as the club's most important and creative player and we are going to miss him terribly when he is away for a month due to the upcoming Asian Cup. Bastards.
Humanitarian of the Year
God bless Neil Lennon.
He made all Wanderers fans happy by re-signing former striker Eidur Gudjohnsen on a free transfer. Not one for sentimentality, the ex-Celtic boss has made it very clear that he has brought the player back to serve a purpose and to play a part in our rise up the table.
You wouldn't bet against it.
Busiest/Bushiest Beaver Award
Best Match of the Year
Another recent one, but the 3-1 home demolition of 'somewhat outspoken' minnows Wigan Athletic is the winner of this particular category.
Put into context, we had been on the rise since Lennon's appointment, but we hadn't truly dominated a game in a good while. That all changed one Friday night in November when we put Wigan to the sword in dramatic fashion.
Granted we somewhat rode our luck in the early part of the game but once Max Clayton put Wanderers one up with his first goal for the club the final result was never in doubt.
It was a great atmosphere and a match that will live long in the memory.
Twitter Account of the Year
Wanderers' social media guy has finally dragged the club into the 21st century with the way they now approach the internet. Fans are granted access to behind-the-scenes goings on, and feel much more engaged with the club.
Well done and keep up the good work.
Goal of the Year
Birmingham at home, last game. That's right - a goal against Wanderers.
The context of the them needing a goal to stay up, combined with the celebrations that followed when said goal was scored wins this award.
I think the kids describe this as 'scenes':