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Takeover: STELIOS WANTS TO BUY BOLTON WANDERERS!!

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What... The... Our legendary former Greek winger apparently wants to cash in on the greatest club in the world. Why wouldn't he?

Yes Stelios, that's exactly how I feel right now
Yes Stelios, that's exactly how I feel right now
Michael Steele/Getty Images

The takeover saga that no-one thought could ever get any weirder or more random than Dean Holdsworth and Amir Khan going into business together just got dealt a big fat Hollyoaks-esque storyline with the 'news' that legendary winger Stelios Giannakopoulos wants to buy Bolton Wanderers.

You may be thinking that Stelios of crap airlines, crap gyms and crap anything else that's 'Easy' fame wants to expand his crap regime and rename the club 'Easy Wanderers.' But oh no, the actual genuine proper amazingly brilliant Stelios wants to buy our club. Apparently.

Rumour has it that the little Greek wizard of a winger has somehow thrown together a multi-national consortium and somehow convinced them that they should pool their money into buying Bolton Wanderers. The only logical conclusion here can be that Stelios has had these multi-national types on a night - or possibly a week - out in Courtneys sharing a few jars with Gary Madine - who may even have plied them with enough booze to genuinely convince them that he'll one day score another goal in his miserable existence.

Apparently, Stelios has managed to accrue enough cash from sources in Europe and North America to meet Eddie Davies' ever-dwindling estimation of the club. When contacted by the Bolton News the Greek could 'neither confirm nor deny his involvement,' which basically means he's well up for it. However, I do remember his comments about the dwindling fortunes of the club and they did seem heartfelt, so maybe he is the main for us.

Although frankly, I think that if tomorrow morning I went down to my local pawnbroker armed with my MacBook, PS4, guitar and special boxer shorts I may be some way close to launching my own genuine bid to own the club.

Anyway, in the last week we've had apparent takeover bids from a former striker that can't score from two yards out in an FA Cup semi-final and a boxer who supports Bolton when he decides he fancies it, and an absolute legend in the form of Super Stelios. Who would you rather see in charge?

The legitimacy and financial backing of both apparent takeover bids leaves a lot to be desired, but it's certainly great to see people that apparently care about the club getting involved in these negotiations.

The interests of the club come first and foremost in whatever happens in the next few days and weeks, and I really hope these tortuous rumours are soon replaced by actual hard facts.

Personally I'm looking forward to tomorrow's revelations of Blessing Kaku and Jay-Jay Okocha launching a radical takeover bid backed by Nigerian princes; the inevitable French-backed consortium spearheaded by Gerald Cid, Franck Passi and Florent Laville - who will obviously make Dorian Dervite captain and penalty taker; and the ambitious Spanish armada of Ivan Campo and Fernando Hierro seizing control of the club, only to bring in Marcos Alonso, Rodrigo and Salva Ballesta to steer us back to Premier League glory.

We can but hope.