Who Could Replace Neil Lennon at Bolton Wanderers?

In the wake of a growing number of Trotters fans calling for Neil Lennon’s head on a stick, I thought I’d have a look at who could possibly take the reigns at the Macron should my favourite Northern Irishman get the chop, and I’ve literally left no stone unturned.

Here goes...

Chris Powell

Sacked by Huddersfield Town less than a week ago, the former Charlton full back is relatively new to the management game. Despite only winning three league games with The Terriers this season, Powell is a legitimate option for a club, like ours, on a budget.

Stuart Pearce

"Psycho" hasn’t dipped his toe into the managerial pool since his days at Nottingham Forest and doesn’t look like he wants to make a comeback any time soon, but if he does, I’m sure Phil Gartside is the man to tempt him out with some sort of astronomical wage offer that will undoubtedly tip our beloved club further into the red.

Uwe Rösler

The 46-year-old German is still shaking off his Yorkshire twang after being dismissed by bat shit crazy Leeds owner, Massimo "Manager Eater" Cellino, but is certainly someone that would make it to the top half of my shortlist. Let’s not forget that he also got our League One (lol) neighbours Wigan Athletic into the playoffs in the summer of 2014, so is clearly more than capable of dragging a club from the depths of despair.

Chris Ramsey

Sacked by QPR after a torrid second season in charge, Ramsey is likely to take a bit of time out of the game and to be honest, I’m not sure he’s right for us. Smells like Sammy Lee all over again.

Ian Holloway

Currently trapped behind the glass of various Sky Sports studios, the former Blackpool boss is just the sort of character we need. I don’t know him personally (and why the fuck would I?) but he seems as though he’s the sort to inject a bit of energy into our currently dilapidated squad. However, I’ve heard he’s in line for the aforementioned vacant QPR job, so we might be up shit creek without a paddle on this one, lads.

Graeme Souness

He seems to enjoy sitting alongside Jamie Redknapp and whinging about mediocre Premier League footballers on a Sunday afternoon, so let’s leave him there.

Tim Sherwood

Bit of a weird one, this. I really like Little Timmy (Southpark reference 100% intended) but I doubt we can afford him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and really does bring emotion to the touchline, but Neil Lennon already does that and look where we are at the moment…

Nigel Pearson

He’s an arrogant wanker with a 1960s military haircut and his son loves a trip to Thailand, but I strongly believe Pearson could drag us out of the mire. He spent three years building a team at Leicester before making a serious push for promotion (yes, I’m well aware he had money behind him but that’s not the point I’m making) so he knows his way around the Championship. If he’d come up north I think he could lay down some serious foundations at the ‘cron.

Gary Megson

I'm only pulling on your pisser, lads.

Roberto Di Matteo

The Champions League winner (imagine saying that in Bolton) hasn’t managed since his short spell with FC Schalke 04, where he resigned at the end of last season after failing to qualify for Europe’s top competition. Would be a strange appointment that I’d be more than apprehensive about, so let’s hope Gartside stays away, should it come to that.

John Carver

Fuck that.

Paul Lambert

The Scotsman took over at Norwich City in 2009, got them promoted in 2011 then kept them up in 2012, so he’s no stranger to a dogfight here and there. Having said that, he did a fantastic job of destroying Aston Villa in the 2013/14 season, so it seems as though his managerial talents are very much hit and miss. I’d be more than willing to give him a go, though.

Martin Jol

Bet you thought he was dead, didn’t you? Well, you were wrong. The 59-year-old Dutchman hasn’t managed anywhere since Fulham gave him the boot in December 2013 after a game against West Ham where they registered an abysmal zero shots on target. (Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?) He’s very experienced, mind, and would undoubtedly bring a wealth of managerial knowledge to the club.

Paolo Di Canio

He’s a bit of a loose cannon, dear Paolo, but I love him to pieces because of his celebration in the Tyne/Wear derby a few years ago. For that reason, and that reason alone, he can manage the Whites. Enough said.

Iain Dowie

He looks like Mr Incredible’s dad and is currently plying his trade as a Sky Sports commentator, so I can’t imagine him wanting to give up either of those accolades to become a full-time manager any time soon. Rumour has it he still lives on Chorley New Road, though? Posh twat.

Alan Shearer

He can stay on Match of the Day. Thanks.

Kevin Keegan

Not a clue where he is these days, but the Internet tells me he was a pundit for ESPN’s FA Cup coverage a few seasons ago. I’m not really arsed about having him anywhere near our club, and I doubt you are either. We’ll leave this one firmly parked.

Alex McLeish

Last I heard, the former Birmingham and Aston Villa manager (if I’m not mistaken, that’s three former Villa bosses on this list. What a travesty) was dabbling in Belgian football with Genk, but fucked that off after they didn’t do too well in the league. It looks as though he’s keeping a low profile as I haven’t spotted him whoring himself out as a pundit anywhere, and that might be for the best.

Dick Advocaat

He’d probably sign up, save us from relegation and fuck off again. Bloody mercenary. Not for me.

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So there you have it, the most comprehensive list of potential Bolton Wanderers managerial candidates I could come up with. Have I missed anyone? Let me know in the comments, but don’t say Bruce Rioch because that’s just fucking silly, he’s about 90.