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Five Things: Bolton Wanderers 2-3 Cardiff City

Lets get this over and done with

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I wrote my match report on Saturday evening and I think I was a little too conservative. Prepare for expletives, ladies and gents.

1) Dorian Dervite

Where to begin with our friend Dorian? The Frenchman's form has been up and down since he joined us in 2014, but I honestly don't think I've ever seen him play as badly as he's doing now. He's attracted to the ball like a moth to a flame, which, in turn, creates a gaping hole in our back line for the opposition to exploit. David Wheater is currently putting in some outstanding performances but part of that is down to Dervite - someone has to clean up the mug's mess. In my opinion he needs to be dropped for next week's game against Hull and Prince should come back into the starting XI. If that doesn't happen I'll begin to seriously question Neil Lennon's team selection.

2) Stephen Dobbie

What a fucking waste of space this knob head is. What has he actually done since joining Bolton Wanderers? Scoring a last minute equaliser against Nottingham Forest is the only thing I can think of. Where does he even play? Is he a wide man? Is he a No. 10? Is he a central midfielder? I don't have a fucking clue, ladies and gents, and I don't think he does either. He's a waste of time, effort and wages that needs to hang up his boots, pack his bags and never, ever come anywhere near our club again. His miss on Saturday afternoon was unforgivable and is by far and away one of the worst I've seen at the Macron (and the Reebok). We need to get him out of our club as soon as possible so we can hand his wage packet to someone younger and hungrier.

3) Dean Moxey

It was refreshing to see the Mox back in the side. During last season's valiant giant killing effort in the FA Cup against Liverpool he played as a wing back in a 5-3-2 formation, which saw him mug John Flanagan off more times than I've cursed Stephen Dobbie's name. Under Dougie Freedman he looked a bit-part, lightweight player, but I genuinely believe he's one of our strongest assets under the Lennon regime. Let's hope he can stay fit and make that wide left role his own.

4) The Heskey/Ameobi Debate

Now I know what you're thinking: we shouldn't have either of these two geriatrics at our club, and you're probably right. However, they're all we've got so let's roll with the punches a bit here. In the first half against Cardiff I though Ameobi was absolutely outstanding. He held the ball up terrifically and genuinely looked hungry - playing like he wanted to win. We all know he's getting on a bit, so I don't think anyone can slate him for starting to tire in the 2nd half. He was hauled off for Emile Heskey on the hour mark, who, to be quite frank, is absolutely wank. Seriously, he's about as useful as a bag of dicks. I know there was an element of #banter when he signed and it was all fun and games when he scored against Blackburn on Boxing Day last year, but what has he actually done since then? Yeah he wins headers and holds the ball up reasonably well, but why is he still on our books as a player? He can't stay fit and is doing his best to end an illustrious career as a flop. For me, he should move into a coaching role as soon as possible. I'd sooner see someone like Kaiyne Woolery on the bench every week instead of him. So, to summarise: Ameobi is better than Heskey and the latter should never play for us again.

5) Jay Spearing

What has this poor lad got to do to get a game? On Saturday I sat there thinking, "This game is perfect for Spearing, why isn't he playing?" He loves a battle and a bit of a dog fight, which the Cardiff game was, so why didn't he make some sort of appearance? It's a real shame because I thought he was awesome against Derby in August (until he got sent off after a second yellow for diving - tit) but it would appear that Lennon doesn't agree with me. Let's hope he can get back into the side soon.

If you agree/disagree with any of my points here, do let me know on Twitter. You can find me @JonnyEckersley.

'Til next time, over and out