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Why Relegating Blackpool is Bolton Wanderers' Duty to Football

I have no great love for Blackpool as you may well guess

Jan Kruger/Getty Images

Whilst in the final throes of what has been a truly wonderful period of gardening leave, I was thinking about the upcoming game against Blackpool this weekend, and decided on something of a whim that it is Bolton Wanderers' sworn DUTY to ensure that we relegate our (kind of) near neighbours.

Why is that, I hear you ask?

Let me tell you:

1) The Oyston Family Deserve It

Mindful of their predilection for legal action I am going to keep this short and sweet, and not get too personal. As you may/may not know, I am not a Blackpool supporter, and so the ins and outs of the Oyston saga are somewhat foreign to me - but one thing that I do understand is that the owners of the club have asset-stripped to a quite magnificent degree.

The absolute bollocks on the man to take an £11m payment from the club's £32m Premier League cash surplus, whilst keeping the wage bill almost the same as it was back in 2010 - the highest salary, by many millions, ever awarded to a director of a football club - is so stunning as to be almost worthy of respect. Except it isn't. It's an example of the sort of mismanagement that has led the club to the situation in which it finds itself.

Then there's young Oyston Jr, who runs a twitter account seemingly only to rile the club's supporters. Check it out, but it may make you angry.

2) Tin Pot Organisation

Remember this team sheet from pre-season:

This is a professional football club. Supposedly.

Famously, Blackpool started the 2014/15 season with just eight contracted players - famously summed up with this screenshot from the club website:

Seriously. What is that all about?

Then there was the cancelled pre-season tour to La Manga, ostensibly for the manager to 'work on acquiring players' when the truth later emerged that the club couldn't afford it. This came after supporters spent time and money arranging travel to the friendly matches without any recompense once the tour was cancelled.

3) The Pitch Belongs at Non-League Level

Have you ever seen anything like this:

I don't mean at Sunday League level either. It's pathetic.

4) Lee Clark is a Good-fer-Nowt Chancer

I have little to no time for Lee Clark.

Granted he did an excellent job at Huddersfield Town for the most part, but come on - have you ever heard the man speak? He appears to be barely literate, and in some sort of dazed funk for the most part.

If popular internet rumours are to be believed then there is a reason for this, but you can find that sort of information online if you so desire.

He was handed a tough job at Blackpool in fairness, and he has done as poorly as probably anyone would have in the same circumstances, but let's face it - the man is hopeless. Since his arrival he has posted the following win/loss statistics:









Win %

Huddersfield Town


15 December 2008

15 February 2012






Birmingham City


26 June 2012

20 October 2014








30 October 2014













These numbers are a disgrace. He wins, on average, one game in three - and just three all season at Blackpool. The mismanagement of the Oystons coupled with the lack of ability shown by Clark compounds both issues into one glorious failure the likes of which the Championship has not seen before.

5) Blackpool Itself

The final reason relates to the town itself.

The 'Las Vegas' of the North, apparently. I suppose that's true. I haven't been to Las Vegas, but to compare it to Blackpool I can only imagine that it's a hell-hole populated by weirdos and drunk Scottish people.

Blackpool is a dying town, and I say this with a little regret as someone who spent many a half-term at Pontins on the sea-front.

Have you been to Blackpool lately? It's like going back in time. From time to time they put in some nice new features, such as the revamped sea-front barriers and walking areas, but then if you look across the main road you see the derelict houses, abandoned hotels and boarded-up shops.

The town doesn't deserve a football team at such a high level.

It is Bolton Wanderers' duty to relegate the club this coming Saturday and I have full faith that we will.