The centre back. Or, if your dyslexic, American or both, the center back. As a former goalkeeper, with the scars on my head to prove it, they were either my saviour or people to receive my more colourful language. Previous Bolton Wanderers centre backs have felt the spittle in their face of such luminaries as Jussi Jaaskelainen, Jim McDonagh and...errr....Jani Viander. And I dare say, due to amount of last minute goals we conceded this season, both Bogdan, Lonergan and Amos didn't need to replenish their saliva glands after a lot of injury times.
So, let's dive straight in.
No. Wait. This is based on the little I have actually seen of T'Wanderers this past season, so I may be wrong in what I say. But screw it. Half of them aren't at the club anymore.
* Matt Mills -
The good: His beard. In a year when beards appeared to come back into fashion for the first time since RTL started showing seventies German porn in the early days of Sky, the captain's beard was the best of the crop. It gave him more gravitas than when he was clean shaved.
The bad: Mills was to blame, probably, for every single last minute goal that we conceded. And yet he remained captain. Probably because the other candidates were either loaned out or were Liam's Feeney or Trotter.
The ugly: He'll probably sign for Notts Forest, presided over by our erstwhile manager Dougie McDougie. No one, no matter how bad, deserves that.
What Does Next Season Hold: Probably the most high profile of the released players, before Beckford went on his post season scoring spree, Mills as above will be playing by the Trent next season. Some say he played like he was in the Trent this season. Interesting fact. Bolton Wanderers have had more captains over the past four seasons than Real Madrid have had managers.
2014/15 Rating: 4/10
* Dorian Dervite -
The good: Dervite played more league games for the club than everyone except Neil Danns, Tim Ream and Liam Feeney. That must mean he is good.
The bad: If he played more games than even Matt Mills, then he must be a worse defender than even Matt Mills. Hey, I've been away for two years.
The ugly: A virtual ever present, was dropped for David Wheater for the Brighton game. Bolton won. David Wheater is not beautiful.
What does next season hold: Neil Lennon appears to trust Dervite so more of the same. Whatever the same is.
2014/15 Rating: 5/10
* David Wheater -
The good: I'm going to be honest, I was surprised that Wheater was still with us. So let's say his goal against Notts Forest in the first home game of the season, when hope was bright.
The bad: For being part of that hope and then seeing that hope flounder on the waves of Dougie-isms.
The ugly: What? I'm even being asked that question.
What does next season hold: Well, he's still here and will be for another year. If he stays fit then he can be an asset in defence and at only twenty eight years old still has years ahead of him.
2014/15 Rating: 5/10
* Quade Taylor -
The good: What? Are we making up names now? No, indeed Quade made his debut in the last game of the season and got right down to business as part of a defence that couldn't keep a clean sheet. Figured prominently as part of the Under-21 side, it says on the BWFC website.
The bad: Can't really say anything that is bad.....
The ugly: ...or indeed ugly.
What does next season hold: With Mills leaving and funds tight, players like Taylor are going to be needed and he has been given a years contract. Hopefully he can prove himself, but he can't be a lot worse than what came before him.
2014/15 Rating: 8/10 (based on one game obviously)
* Paddy McCarthy -
The good: That rare thing, a Crystal Palace player that Dougie didn't sign, His record of one victory, three draws and one defeat gives him the best defeat per game ratio of any player who has played five or more games. (*This may not be scientifically accurate).
The bad: His injury sustained against Brentford sent him back to Palace.
The ugly: Came to us after a loan spell at Sheffield United. Who have just sacked the nicest man in football, Nigel Clough for getting them into the play-offs and the Capital One semis. A change in direction was needed, they said. Yeah. Downwards probably.
2014/15 Rating: 5/10