In the spirit of this recent trend of average players posting farewell letters to supporters, we at Lion of Vienna Suite have decided to subvert convention, and write an open letter to a player who snubbed us.
Wigan Athletic (@LaticsOfficial) June 12, 2015
As you can see from the above tweet, this beardy hipster bellsniffer has chosen to join Wigan Athletic (of Division Three, that is) instead of the mighty Bolton Wanderers - and we wanted to express our feelings - and so we have...thusly:
We noted yesterday that you had signed a contract to play for Third Division minnows Wigan Athletic.
Of course we wish you no particular ill-will, and hope that at 29 you have the final pay-day of your career that you seem so intent on enjoying.
We're glad that your particular brand of mediocrity has found a home. We ourselves have spunked many thousands and millions of pounds on average footballers over the years, and we are all grateful for your decision to join Wigan causing us to avoid falling into the same trap yet again.
It's interesting to us that you chose Wigan. We know that you attended a medical at our Euxton training ground, and we know that you had your Bolton Wanderers contract drawn up and ready to sign on Thursday afternoon.
What happened to drag you to Wigan instead of Bolton isn't really any of our concern, but we would like to thank you for sparing us your begrudging appearances in the famous white shirt.
Your stellar career at Peterborough United and Wrexham will have you used to crowds in excess of 5,000 - something that you will soon be used to at the DW Stadium.
Enjoy your trips to Bury, to Rochdale and to Burton Albion.
pp. Bolton Wanderers."