David Dunn? That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

Yesterday, Bolton News reporter, Neil Bonnar, tweeted:

"Wanderers surprise target. Back page tomorrow. Wont believe the name #bwfc"

Who could it be? Kevin Nolan, recently released by West Ham? Jaaskelainen, a club legend recently relieved of his duties at the same club? Or, dare we even mention the name...Ronaldinho?

No. David Dunn. Fat blobby David Dunn. Fat blobby bastard David Dunn (one for the Paul Calf fans out there). Since being released by Blackburn Rovers, he has allegedly turned down Coronation St's offer as stuntman for Tyrone Dobbs, and has his sights set on a new physiotherapist...I mean, football club.

I am now convinced that Neil Lennon is a geriophile. Dunn is supposedly the next in a long line of thirty-somethings that Lenny has targetted. Eidur Gudjohnsen can play in a Bolton shirt at any age as far as I'm concerned - he's a Champions League winner. Emile Heskey is excusable due to the moments of comedy he provides on a matchday. But this? This cannot be allowed to happen. Mr Lennon, you and I are on the verge of a ruddy big falling out.

Now 35, Dunn makes Darren Anderton appear like a spring chicken. I remember being furious when we were linked with him back in 2003. When he failed a medical at the Reebok, he went on to sign for Birmingham City. He was a crock then (he only played 58 times in 4 seasons for The Blues), he's a finished crock now at 35. You know the old saying about injury prone footballers and horses...well, if David Dunn was a horse, he'd be in a Findus lasagne.

In his 376 appearances for Blackburn, he hasn't made more than 30 appearances in a season since 2007-8. He left this summer after appearing only 8 times for Rovers, all from the bench. This deal is a non-starter on a whole manner of fronts. Our football club cannot waste a penny, and paying David Dunn anything, be it in Pounds Sterling or black pudding, is a waste of money.

In terms of his position, it doesn't appear as if there is a real demand for an attacking midfielder - with Mark Davies, Zach Clough and Eidur Gudjohnsen already on the books, the "number 10" role is one of the few positions where we seem to have strength in depth.

Finances aside, Bolton Wanderers cannot sign someone so intrinsically linked to our "rivals" (for clearance over the use of inverted commas, see my previous article - Bolton Wanderers: a club without a rival?)

The only ex-Blackburn Rovers player whom I can remember being content with is Colin Hendry. Although he had arguably the best years of his career at Blackburn (I think they may or may not have won a trophy in the mid-1990s), he'd spent a considerable amount of time in Scotland before moving, and fit well into the Bolton sqaud between 2000 and 2001, proving valuable experience in helping the club reach the promised land. However, the same can't be said for "Mr-Blackburn-Rovers-but-don't tell anyone I was brought up as a Burnley fan" Dunn.

In terms of moving the other way, El-Hadji Diouf, Per Frandsen and Youri Djorkaeff are the only players I can allow to get away with such treachery. Diouf never settled anywhere excpet the Reebok, and is considered something of a demi-legend, not for his ability, but the passion and antics that came with it. Frandsen's reputation survived because he came back home and marshalled a midfield to Premier League safety. Djorkaeff comes out unscathed because he played only three times at Dingle Park before leaving for the MLS. I still haven't forgiven Nathan Blake, though. Turncoat.