Look no further. The titans of Carribean football, Cuba, have arrived.
Manager: Walter Benitez
Walter Manuel Benitez Rosales is the Tim Sherwood of Latin America. Appointed in November 2012, he went on to win the Caribbean Cup just one month later. Imagine that win percentage.
After re-establishing diplomatic relations with the USA this year, the Cuban national team took on the mighty New York Cosmos. Now the bourgeoisie American media will have you believe that the Cosmos won 4-1, but I have my suspicions - some fella called Raul is supposed to have scored.
Anybody heard of him? Thought not. Capitalist lies!
Cuba are one of only two nations not to have MLS representation at the tournament. All players, unsurprisingly, ply their trade in Cuba itself.
Key player: Yenier Marquez (Villa Clara)
Although a defender by trade, Marquez was the top scorer in the Campeonato Nacional de Futbol last season with 12 goals. He also scored in Cuba's 1-1 draw with Curacao, the only Cuba goal in their last four games. He has played for his team Villa Clara since 1999, who finished 4th in the league this season.
The 36 year old has 114 caps, and will captain his country in what could be his last Gold Cup appearance.
Goalkeepers - Arael Arguellez (Cienfuegos/Cuba); Diosvelis Guerra (Artemisa/Cuba); Sandy Sanchez (Las Tunas/Cuba)
Defenders – Jorge Luis Clavelo (Villa Clara/Cuba); Jorge Luis Corrales (Pinal Del Rio/Cuba); Adrian Diz Pe (La Habana/Cuba); Hanier Dranguet (Guantanamo/Cuba); Angel Horta (Camaguey/Cuba); Yasmany Lopez (Ciego De Avila/Cuba); Yenier Marquez Molina (Villa Clara/Cuba); Yaisnier Napoles (Camaguey/Cuba); Andy Vaquero (La Habana/Cuba);
Midfielders – Alain Cervantes (Ciego De Avila/Cuba); Alberto Gomez (Guantanamo/Cuba); Felix Guerra (Granma/Cuba); Aricheel Hernandez (Villa Clara/Cuba);Daniel Luis (La Habana/Cuba); Ariel Martinez (F.C. Sancti Spiritus/Cuba); Liban Dairon Perez (Camaguey/Cuba); Dario Suarez (La Habana/Cuba);
Forwards – Armando Coroneaux (Camaguey/Cuba); Keiler Garcia (Camaguey/Cuba); Maikel Reyes (Pinar Del Rio/Cuba)
Chances of winning:
After losing out on FIFA World Cup qualification to Curacao (I thought that was something you put in cocktails) on away goals, Cuba have craftily diverted their attentions away from the corrupt mickey mouse tournament, and towards the Gold Cup crown.
Luckily, they won't have to come up against the managerial genius of Patrick Kluivert this time. Yes, that one. He manages Curacao. File that under "textbook obscure football trivia". And you thought you were getting nothing out of this article, didn't you?
I'm going to stick my neck out and say that Cuba won't win this. I'll offer 100/1 on Cuba as outright winners, which means that if you bet a pound, you won't see it again. Then again, stranger things have happened in football. Oh wait, no they've not.
Will do very, very well to get a result in the group stage, let alone progress.
In the eternal words of La Bayamesa, the Cuban national anthem: "Hear the clarion call, hasten, brave ones, to battle!"