The latest batch of depressing Bolton Wanderers financial news to hit the media this week is that owner Eddie Davies is apparently willing to sell the club for £30m.
If you're reading this and happen to be rich as fuck, then I plead that you buy us. However, here's what else you could spend the money on:
1) Half of Kevin de Bruyne
2) 187, 500 Borussia Dortmund season tickets
3) 150,000,000 freddos
4) 600,000 replica Bolton shirts
5) 750,000 cheeky Nando's meals
6) 91 Lamborghini Avendators
7) Every The Jade Assembly album on iTunes 5,309,734 times
9) 3000 Ryo, from Shenmue, jackets
10) 1,041 T-34 Tanks
12) 17 Tim Reams
13) If you're Jermaine Defoe, hire a PA for 500 years
14) I bet for £30m you could hire Morgan Freeman to narrate your life, Brock Lesnar to be your body guard and The Rock to be your personal trainer for like a week or so.
15) Listen, right, for £30m you invest in Lion of Vienna Suite, we could get our own suave office, record podcasts in the same room, make loads of content, a whole range of stuff that gets me excited! Fuck Bolton, invest in us instead!