Hi I'm Alastair Sledge, High Wycombe's answer to Billy Mays, and I'm bringing you a brand new TV offer. For a limited time only, you can by Bolton Wanderers Football Club for £29,999,999.99! Call now on 0800-HELP-ME to take advantage of this great offer.
Now I know what you're thinking, ‘Al, I'd much rather own one of Raheem Sterling's Legs'. Will you still think that when you see that BWFC has more legs? That's right, just the first team squad has almost 100 legs at its disposal.
Bolton Wanderers is something great that you can tell your friends about, no other club can keep on going with the pressure of debt looming over it. Market competitors go into financial fair play problems or buckle completely, but not the Burnden Leisure PLC. It's ingenious unique formula of selling their assets and not replacing them adequately.
Call now and we'll give you the car park for absolutely free, except we can't, so we'll give you the sixth form college instead! Do you have any childhood demons you want to banish by controlling a school filled with sporty children? Well if you're rich enough to buy the club, you probably do!
If you ignore the debt, it's just as good as the alternatives. If you have more money than sense, an exclusive offer only available if you call now.
*Offer may result in crippling financial debt being attached to your name and anonymous hate mail which is in no way affiliated with the Lion of Vienna Suite*