Imagine living in a world where Prince-Désir Gouano isn't your favourite footballer.
I bet that if he isn't, you're the sort of person who likes Coldplay, or the sort who thought that The Office was better than Phoenix Nights.
All things considered you're probably a nice person, but you're also an uncontrollable idiot.
Prince-Désir Gouano is bloody brilliant.
He's the perfect combination of cocky sod mixed with fantastic defender blessed with electric pace and top-class composure. Make a mistake? Sure, why not, but let's have the pace and self-belief to resolve the problem and bring the ball out to Bolton Wanderers' benefit.
Some people (read idiots) believe that his semi-recklessness is a worry - well it's not. It's a wonderful character trait.
Prince is the perfect mix between Gary Cahill, Mark Fish, Peter Quill from Guardians of the Galaxy and Rio Ferdinand, mixed with a bit of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Stone Cold Steve Austin, by way of John Stones and Diego Maradona.
It doesn't matter if your risky pass goes awry, because you're good enough to sort the problem out.
Imagine being the sort of fan who gets concerned at a player taking risks.
Life is about taking risks.
It would be hideously boring if your centre half got everything right all the time without any sort of gamble.
Prince is a madman, the very best sort of maverick genius that makes football worth watching.
Sign him up, and sign him up now.