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Secret Memo reveals that Donald Trump was inspired by Bolton Wanderers

The Donald learned how to win from the best

President-Elect Trump And Vice President-Elect Pence Meet With House Speaker Paul Ryan On Capitol Hill Photo by Zach Gibson/Getty Images

Hopefully the clickbait “post-truth” headline lured you in. Maybe it didn't even stand out among all the fake news headlines on your facebook newsfeed. Either way, LOVS have stumbled upon some of the US president-elect's notes from his election campaign, and it seems clear he took a special interest in our illustrious club. Maybe Lovely Stu Holden is his favourite player, or “baller”, or whatever they say over there. Maybe US-based BWFC PR machine Mark Yesilevsky drew his attention our way. Or maybe he just knows good business sense when he sees it...

If your finances are a bit dodgy, or you just don't fancy paying any tax, just don't let anyone look at them.

Don't disclose your finances. Even if the authorities ask. Even if everyone else does it. It makes you look smart.

Boo-urns

Supporters love to boo. Bolton fans love to boo. Nothing makes them feel better. Boo the opposition. Boo the referee. Boo your own players. Boo Crooked Hillary. Mr Boo-urns.

Everybody loves a right-wing nutter

El-Hadji Diouf was meant to play on the right wing, but in reality roamed all over his opposition's territory, doing whatever he wanted. Snarling, spitting, but ultimately putting on an outrageous show and sending his fans wild. Don't respect the traditional need to stand on the right or the left. Roam all over the place and rage against the system. Rage against the establishment. Rage against Steven Gerrard. And having weird hair is fine.

Nobody cares about discipline

Your opponents many complain about your “muscular” style – Wenger and Benitez did. They may try to brand you ill-disciplined. But the supporters love nothing more than a crunching tackle from Kevin Davies, or Ivan Campo just pushing someone over in the centre circle to stop a counter-attack. Keep racking up the yellow cards. Make wild statements about everybody else. Your supporters will love it.

Who cares if there is a hidden camera?

Banter with the lads. Buy a pint of white wine. Say whatever you want. Don't give a fuck if anyone is filming it. It's all just locker room talk. Just as long as you’re not the England manager.

Who cares about debt?

Throw the cash around. Buy Johan Elmander. Buy a casino. It'll all turn out just fine. It'll be great.

StUSA StUSA StUSA!

Make Bolton Wanderers Great Again!