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Five Things: Bolton Wanderers 2-1 Rotherham United

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I love football it makes me happy

Alex Livesey/Getty Images

A win is a wonderful feeling. Makes me happy and makes me amenable to any suggestion. So much so I've just paid £35 for a fucking mattress for a pram. Baby had better appreciate it.

1) Welcome Back Jay Spearing

The former Liverpool man has had an up-and-down career at Bolton Wanderers. From being made captain to a loan spell at local twats Blackburn Rovers, our very own Gollum-alike scored with a wonderful strike in the opening minute or so.

He had been sidelined by Neil Lennon - somewhat unfairly in my eyes, and his return to the side granted us with a certain experience and willingness to get stuck in that we simply do not have with the other midfielders.

Spearing is not perfect but FFS he's better than Darren Pratley.

Aren't we all?

2) What is Liam Feeney?

Good question.

Internet gimps will tell you that he's our highest assist provider, and one of our top scorers. Most normal people will tell you that he's a massively limited footballer with a single trick that works maybe twice in a game.

These same normal people will point to a moment in the second half where Feeney took a ball from Woolery and instead of crossing into the box chose to shoot into the North Stand car park.

It prompted nothing less than downright rage from Bolton fans who are of a sensible balance. Internet gimps will point to his pass completion rate and tell you that you're a 'hater'.

Reply to these people and say 'no'. I don't hate Liam Feeney. He's just rubbish and it's OK if you wanted to admit it too - go on...it's fine.

3) THE KIDS ARE NOT READY DOUGIE FREEDMAN FFS - or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kaiyne Woolery

For a manager keen on giving kids a chance, he was certainly shy. Dougie Freedman is currently ripping up the league with Nottingham Forest and I for one am happy for him.

However, I remain pissed off that someone who was supposedly an advocate for BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK....wait, wrong advocate. An advocate for the younger Bolton player, if you will.

Neil Lennon might be a massive shitehawk at times, but you can't fault him for giving the kids a go. Woolery rewarded that loyalty with a terrific performance and a first senior goal. He joins the likes of Rob Holding, Tom Walker, Josh Vela, Zach Clough and Kaiyne Woolery in those promoted from the reserve ranks.

4) The Power of Ben Amos

A force from above.

A goalkeeper, signed from Manchester United, who has received some criticism from fans in the last few weeks - deserved, in my opinion.

However, if we've seen the worst of Amos in the past few games, the Rovrum fixture saw him return to the form that made him a popular and important member of the first team squad in the early weeks of the season.

I hope Amos keeps this form up because, not only as a fellow ginge, but as an international football expert (because I watch Eurogoals), we need a top keeper to get over the mistakes of the centre halves - more of which to follow.

5) Dorian Dervite is the AntiChrist

Have we ever had a worse centre half?

We've had some stinkers in my lifetime - Abdouleye Meite and Zat Knight are up there, but I think the former Villarreal and Tottenham Hotspur man is the fucking pits.

I once mentioned on the LOVpod that analysis of Dervite's game was made easy if you imagined that both him and the ball were connected by an invisible bungee rope. I maintain that to be true.

Him being drawn towards the ball and dragged out of position is a weekly occurrence, and personally I cannot wait until David Wheater is back fit because Dervite, in my opinion, is the AntiChrist.

He's a destructive influence. He's the fat woman in the office who moans about being fat, but who is the first once to nip onto the Galaxy cake bars. He's the one who refuses a cup of tea because she's on a diet, but who fucks the fuck off to Burger King at lunch - but it's OK - they're having a Diet Coke.

Annoying;