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Why Darren Pratley is the WORST Captain in the History of Football

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Life is too short to watch him playing for my club

Deniz Calagan/Getty Images

We've had some donkeys at our club - but does Darren Pratley take the biscuit?

Well yes, he's not very good at the old football, and I would contend that he is the worst captain in the history of the game.

Do you that other captains would make the same choices as our Dazzler?

Take John Terry - notorious racist, and world champion shagger. Do you think he'd pick the halfway point of a crucial game against a rival side as the most opportune moment to try and start a fight with an opposition player?

Take Paolo Maldini - notoriously fantastic defender and owner of rugged good looks. Do you think he'd pick the halfway point of a crucial game against a rival side as the most opportune moment to try and start a fight with an opposition player?

Take Roy Keane - world champion dog walker, and advanced-level knobhead to a galactic degree. Do you think he'd pick the halfway point of a crucial game against a rival side as the most opportune moment to try and start a fight with an opposition player?

Course they fucking wouldn't.

Darren Pratley would.

The Bolton Wanderers captain chose the most important moment of a vitally important game to decide against chasing down an errant pass, instead to pick a fight with a Preston North End player, and risk being sent off, further hampering his team's efforts to remain in the division.

This is why Darren Pratley is the worst captain in the history of football.

He doesn't have the brains to take a step back, and think 'no, the game is more important'. Instead, the vacant-stare came back and he went for a scrap.

Luckily for him he wasn't sent off. Unluckily for us he wasn't sent off.

Darren Pratley has zero brains.