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Player Ratings: Bristol City 6-0 The Never Ending Omnishambles

Bolton travelled to Bristol looking for a first away win of the season. HAHAHA just oh dear.

My view at the end of this sambolic Bolton Wanderers 'performance'.
My view at the end of this sambolic Bolton Wanderers 'performance'.

So that was a traumatic 90 minutes of football. That is the worst I have seen Bolton play since a certain FA Cup semi-final, and those who were there that day know that’s no mean feat. Bristol City were not made to work hard for their impressive 6-0 win with Bolton Wanderers just being so so bad.

Without any further ado how did Bolton’s players get on as the omnishamles rolled on?

Paul Rachubka 0

He conceded six goals need I say anymore? I am firmly of the opinion that a horse on ketamine would have been more use between the sticks.

City had eight shots on target and he saved only one of them. In the process of doing so he palmed the ball into the middle of the six yard box and straight to legendary City striker Aaron Wilbraham who said thank you very much and put City 1-0 up.

That was in the third minute. He did not make another save with the only other shot on target not going in being blocked by foul machine Josh Vela. A joke of a goalkeeper who is stealing a living (you will be bored of that phrase by the end of this).

Derik Osede 0

This is not entirely his fault. He was deployed at right back and looked about as out of place as a tadpole in the Sahara desert. He offered very little defensively with City getting numerous crosses in from the left. I don’t know if they scored from any of them but there was one occasion where they should have. Osede was caught out of position so often it was almost funny. But this was not his fault when played out of position.

Osede offered even less going forward refusing to make a useful run down the line. Again that’s not his fault, he is a centre back so not used to attacking down the flanks. This one is very much on Jimmy Phillips.

David Wheater 0

You might be spotting a theme here. Yes the defence who conceded six goals is full of players who get zero. Wheater did very little of note and City’s fifth goal really showed up him and Rob Holding who both seemed to run away from the ball like timid kittens faced with a Rottweiler.

Wheater will be leaving in the summer and there is no point wasting time letting him play again for this club. Given his injury record and the way he played in Bristol he is the ring leader of the stealing a living gang. He is also the living breathing symbol of the horrible way in which Bolton’s finances have been managed in recent years.

Rob Holding 0

He is meant to be our new hope. He is meant to be a shining beacon of a potential new dawn. He was useless.

I remember him making one intervention to cut out a certain goal. If that was at say 0-0 I would have given him some credit. But it was at 6-0 so I don’t care. Like with Wheater the fifth goal really showed how poor they were and we have to hope this isn’t too much of a setback for the youngster.

Dean Moxey 1

I can hear what you’re saying that one must be a typo. No I’m giving Moxey a small amount of credit for being our best attacking outlet. For the all of five minutes Bolton were on top in this game Moxey was key putting decent balls into the box. No one was on the end of them but that’s just as likely the strikers fault as his.

Mark Davies 0

Was taken off at half time and it was not a moment too soon. All he seemed to do when he got the ball was look backwards. He offered nothing going forward and left Osede exposed by offering nothing defensively. If this is his last game for the club I for one would not complain.

Darren Pratley 0

Made one good pass but other than that all he did was what Pratley does best committing stupid fouls all over the pitch. A truly aimless performance from a truly awful midfielder. Here is to hoping we can find someone either desperate enough or stupid enough to take him off our hands this summer.

Right now Pratley is not only stealing a living but the very air he breathes. Chris comparing him to a donkey last week really was an insult to donkeys and I for one think Chris should apologise for that.

Josh Vela 0

Did nothing of note apart from commit a series of fouls and get booked. There has been a clamour to see him in midfield and based on this performance it is hard to see why. He should take a long hard look at the performance of City academy graduate Joe Bryan to see the level he should be aiming for.

Tom Walker 2

He looked bright or be it with no end product. Maybe on a different day in a team capable of offering him some support he would have been able to do something. But on this day he was on a team full of people stealing a living so never stood a chance of creating anything. I would give him another chance in the starting line-up, there are not many others I would say that for.

Kaiyne Woolery 2

In five things Woolery is noted as Bolton’s man of the match. I’m afraid I disagree. He gets a two for his two decent runs early in the first half which were his only contributions of note. It is just a shame that on both occasions he was easily marshalled by the desperately backtracking defenders and ran the ball out for a goal kick. It was a bit like watching me play Fifa after five drinks.

I’m afraid today I can see why he has been described by our once glorious leader as being too raw. Maybe with some support he would have offered something but we will never know.

Gary Madine 4

My Bolton man of the match, not that that is saying much. Well it’s not saying anything he was the best of an apocalyptically bad bunch.

Madine did get on the end of some long balls. A great touch in the penalty area nearly created an opening but for some good covering defending and his pull back to Tom Walker (I think to Walker) created probably our best opening, which again isn’t saying much. He even forced the City keeper into the only save I can remember him making.

With a little extra support around him Madine could have created something today and my mate who supports City went as far as to say he looked like a good player. Given a thankless task up front given how ineffective those behind him were.

Just to reiterate he was the best of a bad bunch. Though it pains me to say it as I do not like Madine he did merit his place in the team at Ashton Gate.

Sub: Neil Danns 1

I don’t remember Danns doing anything after coming on at half time for Davies. But he can have a one firstly because I’m bored of hitting the zero key and also because he seemed to care and not give up. That alone is more that can be said for many.

Sub: Wellington Silva 1

He came on. He looked bright. He did very little. He went off injured five minutes later.

Sub: Stephen Dobbie 0

If it wasn’t my team I would find it rather funny watching Dobbie coming on and playing a wide midfield role. But this is my team so it isn’t funny. I have just on question, why Jimmy?

Jimmy Phillips 0

He has to shoulder a lot of blame here. Things seemed bad under Neil Lennon but they never got quite that bad. I bet Lennon was sat somewhere having a little chuckle watching Final Score with a beer in his hand.

Some decisions were just wrong like Osede at right back. Some of it is hard to judge though as the players just didn’t play. So although Phillips has to take a fair share of the blame the players have to take the lion share. They were rubbish and they let Phillips down on what I’m sure was a big day for a man who lives and breathes Bolton Wanderers Football Club.

One thing very much to Phillips credit was dropping Zach Cough today. The atmosphere in the ground was hostile enough towards the youngster without him actually being on the pitch. It would have done Clough no favours to have been in the firing line today.