Okay, ladies and gents, here goes.
I’ve made no secret of my love-hate relationship with Gary Madine in the last season or so. The man is clearly a living, breathing parody and it’s hard to understand how he ever became a professional footballer after a spell behind bars.
HOWEVER. This afternoon I am shocked to learn that Bolton Wanderers are in talks to replace my sweet prince, Gary, with Rotherham United’s Tom Thorpe.
WHAT?! WHY?! WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?!
I mean come on. If we’re honest, Madine isn’t the greatest player in the world and I love him because he’s a bonafide tit, but seriously? We’re losing one of our only two (sort of) fit senior strikers in favour of a defender? Football has literally gone mad.
Quick bit of info on Thorpey - he’s a 23-year-old defender who rose through the ranks at Manchester United a few years ago. He signed his first senior contract in 2014 and was swiftly loaned out to Birmingham City, where he made just six lowly appearances. After being released by Manchester United in the summer of 2015, he then signed for Rotherham and was sent out to Bradford as part of an emergency loan deal earlier this year. One can only presume Parky has seen something in this kid that he likes, a bit like David Moyes’ love affair with Marouane Fellaini and Adnan Januzaj.
If Gary Madine leaves us for good I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. If you’re reading this, please don’t go, Gary; I really do love you.
Let’s hope Wanderers have something up their sleeve to replace him, and possibly a few more, before the window closes later tonight.
Join the movement to keep Madine at the club by using the hashtag #DontGoGary on Twitter.