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A Note From the Unauthorised Website: Analysing King Ken’s ‘Notes’ - Part 1

With Kenneth on the verge of ‘Note’ number 50, we delve through the history of his creative genius

King Ken loves a ‘Note’

I’m sure you’ll be well aware of the trail of ‘Notes’ lovingly drafted by our glorious leader Ken Anderson on the club website. In stark comparison to the previous Bolton Wanderers regime, King Ken has gone into communication overload delivering, by my maths, 49 (Forty Nine!) ‘Notes’ since he kicked them off back in December.

Ken’s prolific ‘Note’ writing prowess first began with a caring festive message that I suspect, given its timing, was crafted while watered up on Pina Coladas while sunning himself in the Caribbean on the back of our victory over Scunthorpe United on New Years’ Eve. What undoubtedly began as a message of adulation to his devoted fellow Wanderers has snowballed into something none of us could have expected - and I’m pretty sure no other football club chairman in the world can rival.

This month, King Ken is on track to match - and maybe even beat - his most prolific month of ‘Note’ crafting. His seemingly boundless levels of creative production saw him amass no fewer than eight (yes, EIGHT) ‘Notes’ in January, March and April, and Monday’s latest observations see him at number six for October.

This copious outpouring of creativity - which far betters most of our esteemed writers, I should point out - is seemingly beginning to get to his head, with his latest offering seeing King Ken slowly shift from football chairman to football pundit / analyst. Furthermore, the club today released a statement basically claiming that the media writing about him and the club is the reason for him ending any potential investment discussions.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at how the ‘Note’ craze began...

The Early Days

As alluded to previously, it all began with a New Years’ Eve post no doubt fuelled by inebriated celebration of our vital win over Scunthorpe. One thing to note about this... Ken tells us he wasn’t at the match, yet claims: “The support and atmosphere was the best I have seen and heard all season not only when we scored but throughout the game.” Righto.

This first blog has only amassed 20 views to date, but the fame of seeing his words on screen clearly got Ken’s ego going as he racked up no fewer than eight ‘Notes’ in January. The first, just four days later, was a ‘special column’ for the website, to deliver us his 12 commandments - basically outlining his and Dean Holdsworth’s positions at the club.

Then, just two days later, Ken’s programme notes for the Crystal Palace game online. All this fame and adulation clearly whetted his appetite, but he waited 11 days to address us again in the aftermath of a defeat to Swindon Town to tell us how great our support is - cheers mate - and provide a bit of tactical analysis. I’m sure “I think our final pass was just not good enough on the day and you could see that while there were some tired legs out there. Generally speaking it was not one of our better performances” was of huge benefit to Phil Parkinson and the boys. We also learnt that King Ken is an avid reader of The Sun - wonderful - as he gave us a cheeky piece of trivia: “We are one of only four clubs among the 92 Football League clubs to have a 100% rate of English scorers this season.” Derik Osede fans, sorry.

Two days later, following our FA Cup replay defeat to Crystal Palace, Kenneth crafted a morale boosting rally ‘Note’ to the team, and wished Darren Pratley all the best following his injury.

Now things begin to heat up. King Ken’s on a roll. Mess with him at your peril. His latest ‘Note’ launches a scathing attack against the Supporters’ Trust - of whom he states: “I did question the wisdom of their questions and comments to the EFL and what benefits they would bring to the club.” BOOM. Oh, but he does “respect their independence.”

Three more ‘Notes’ followed before the end of the month, the first of which was a total waste of time and said nothing, the second lambasted “social media sites” - that’ll be us then! - for reporting ‘inaccuracies’ about the club’s financial situation - well, sorrreeyyyyy- and the third began “Although we don’t like to air our dirty laundry in public” then went on to air the club’s dirty laundry in public by rebuking comments made on social media.

A busy old January but he wasn’t done there, as on 1st February Ken was waxing lyrical once more summarising the club’s transfer window activity. A week later he used his ‘Note’ to update us on why he had to sell our best player for a pittance, then he posted his notes from the Rochdale programme and finished the month with his notes from the Bristol Rovers programme.

In Part 2 tomorrow, we’ll look at how Ken ramps his ‘Note’ making up to new heights as League One promotion edges closer and we hit the Championship big time...