If you believe that roughly one thousand nine hundred and eighty six years ago that a man from the Middle East was murdered by Romans in helmets with red horse hair (where did they get those red horses from?), then a Happy Easter to you. If you have reached the age of reason and at the very least doubt the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus, then happy Chocolate Bank Holiday.
When I was six, before said age of reason, I woke up on Easter Sunday to find that Jesus had left me loads of chocolate to celebrate his coming back from the dead. There was loads of it. There was buckets of the stuff - white ones, Cadburys, bags of buttons and a bag of chocolate coins that my nana must have had left from Christmas. Thrifty Catholics are the best kind of Catholic.
Pyjamas still on, I tucked in. Balls to breakfast. Jesus and I were celebrating. I threw one up in the air and headed it like Gerry Taggart. It hurt like mad and the blasted thing didn't crack, so I didn't do it again.
Mum shouted from the kitchen; "if you carry on like that, you'll make yourself sick". What did she know? A Christian can't get sick with the love of a good son, father and Holy Ghost in him!
Needless to say, by the time we'd got to Southport for a MannyRd family outing, yours truly had vomited in the footwell of his dad's new Alfa Romeo. He was furious. The sort of silent fury dads get when they go deaf and mute for at least two days. I'd ruined Jesus time with my over zealous consumption.
Which brings me rather tenuously to Bolton Wanderers and the old fable about too much of a good thing. We've now lost two away games on the bounce, which is par for the course in previous seasons. In the grand scheme of things, this fact should not surprise nor disappoint us. However circumstances are as such that we have come to expect consistent victories at this crucial time in the season.
The reaction from some fans after yesterday's defeat to Oldham Athletic was bordering on hysterical. I don't blame you all for getting excited; for the aforementioned Christ's sake, we're four points clear of the pack with a better goal difference. We need two wins from our final three games, possibly less if Jesus does us a great big favour, and Fleetwood and Bradford drop points on Easter Monday.
So, my lovely Boltonian brethren, can we all agree to remain absolutely calm? Now is not the time for panic if you carry on like that, you'll make yourself sick.
Parky's got this.