Welcome back dear reader. It’s time for our annual stab at predicting how the new season will pan out.
As you all know, Bolton Wanderers managed to earn promotion to the Championship and we are now swimming with the big boys. Players moving for £15m, wages of £80,000 per week - not for us though! That’d be too too easy for Wanderers. Instead we have Phil Parkinson being forced to make chicken salad out of chicken shit, and we all know how that tastes.
Bitterness aside, let’s get on with my predictions:
I fancy Aston Villa. They struggled last season, but the January signings of Lansbury and Hourihane will have bedded in by now and will be one of the strongest midfield pairings in the league. Steve Bruce has signed former Chelsea
racist captain John Terry alongside Ahmed Elmohamady from Hull City, Christopher Samba from Siberia and Glenn Whelan from Stoke City. There’s a lot of Premier League experience in that side and I fancy them to do well.
Fulham for me, Geoff. They have one of the best managers in the league in Slavisa Jokanovic and have managed to keep hold of young star Ryan Sessegnon. They finished a creditable sixth in the season just passed and I would expect them to kick on from there. Tom Cairney is my favourite player in the whole division - he has a beautiful left foot - and they have also strengthened well with the likes of Tomas Kalas and Lucas Piazon arriving on loan from Chelsea. Why can’t we get some of that sweet Chelsea action? Oh yeah, because we have to pay our lads in buttons.
The league can say a fond farewell to Bristol City, Burton Albion and....I’m afraid to say, I fear the worst for my beloved Wanderers. The transfer embargo is a killer and unless we can get that shifted I think we will be relegated come May. Should the embargo be lifted then fuck all that and I’ll put Sunderland here for a laugh. Or Sheffield United.
Where Will Bolton Finish?
I just told you, idiot.
League Top Scorer
If he can stay fit, then Britt Assombalonga at Middlesbrough. He’s a rough and tumble sort and someone I’d love to think would’ve been on our radar had we not been a complete basket case of a club. Him or Chris Wood.
Mad Random Event Prediction
It’s hard to define a mad random event. I could say something stupid like John Terry being done for another bout of racism but that’s not really that mad seeing as he’s already had one of those in his career. How’s about this, Chris Wilder overseeing Sheffield United to a run of 12 consecutive defeats, and he’s hounded out of the club by their fans only to end up sleeping rough on the steps of Bramall Lane.
We’ll check back in May and see how these panned out. Terribly, I expect.