Let’s not mess about - ladies and gentlemen, your Bolton Wanderers ratings:
Ben Alnwick - 7
Yeah he started off a bit shaky, but without him it would’ve been ten. Our best keeper, for what it’s worth.
Mark Little - 5
A strong attacking right back, barring one or two forays forward his attacking instincts were somewhat stunted.
Reece Burke - 4
Four is generous. Burke was sloppy on the ball and weak in the challenge. He might follow us, but we don’t follow him.
David Wheater - 5
Slow and sloppy. Last season seems a long time ago now. Really struggled with pace.
Mark Beevers - 4
The biggest fall from grace since the last person to make a huge fall from grace. Hero to zero, and it hurts me to say it.
Antonee Robinson - 5
Tried his best and was decent in the first half. Hooked in the second.
Filipe Morais - 4
Poor guy. Played in the centre for some reason. Struggled and it’s really not his fault.
Josh Cullen - 4
Really poor. Ball retention was non-existent. Is he an attacker? Is he defensive? Fuck knows. Needs dropping.
Jem Karacan - 4
For some reason, this guy is captain. Don’t get that. In footballing terms, this chap has been a huge disappointment. Weak and quick to take a dive, his on-field histrionics and flapping evokes memories of Kevin Nolan who hid his own deficiencies in similar fashion towards the end of his time at the club. Just a huge bag of meh.
Gary Madine - 6
Did his best. Won a few headers and hit the post in the first half. Had a couple of half chances that he couldn’t convert, as well as hitting the post in the first half. Cuts a very frustrated figure and who could blame him.
Adam Armstrong - 4
Barely involved. Disappointing again.
Craig Noone - 6
Attacked his man, which was more than the rest did. More of the same, please.
Aaron Wilbraham - 4
Just abysmal. I don’t blame him, but it’s really really really shit.
Adam Le Fondre - 5
Played out of position as usual. What was the point of signing him?
Phil Parkinson - 2
Where to start. Why sign Noone and then leave him out? Why continue with Josh Cullen? Why play Morais centrally then move him left when he did all his damage wide right last season? Why oh why are we persisting with 3-5-2? Starting to get fed up, mate. Lucky for him that Ken doesn’t like to spend money that he can’t get back further down the line, so I think he’ll be safe for now.