Our World Cup 2018 Predictions: Dave

How far will England get? Expectations are certainly lower than they have been in previous tournaments and I think we will do well. We’re well organised, have some pace and move the ball quicker these days.

I think we’ll get through the group stage and beat Poland in the next round. If I have read the fixture list correctly and results go as expected, I think we’ll face Brazil in the quarter finals which is a very big ask. You need a bit of luck in these tournaments and it always seems to be the opposition who gets it so I’m going to say we’ll just fall short and go out in the quarters by a dodgy goal – which VAR would have probably disallowed.

Your England Starting XI: (3-5-2) Let’s go for it……Jordan Pickford, Kyle Walker, John Stones, Harry Maguire, Gary Cahill, Danny Rose, Eric Dier, Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Dele Alli, Raheem Sterling, Harry Kane

England’s Top Goal Scorer: Raheem ‘Bang Bang’ Sterling with his chest pushed out and his hand flopping about in the air as he runs

Competition Winners: Germany (on penalties) – if you can leave Leroy Sane out you must have a damn good squad.

Runner Up: France, Pogba to miss in the penalty shoot out, Roberto Baggio style

Final Four: Germany, France, Argentina, Brazil

Surprise Team: Colombia – I just want to see their former Goalkeeper Rene ‘El Loco’ Higuita lapping it up in the crowd with his harem of women. As well as that Scorpion kick, he scored 41 goals.....41! Legend

Flop Team: Belgium

Golden Ball Winner: Fortnite celebration an’ all, Antoine Griezmann

Best Young player: The Frenchman Ousmane Dembele, I hear he’s watched a lot of Pratters this season in preparation for this, and he’s just about hitting form at the right time

Golden Boot: Thomas Muller – the most German looking guy in the world. Rested recently and getting on a bit now at the ripe old age of 28 but I think somewhere down the line ze Germans will have a big 5-0 win and he’ll bag a hat-trick. Supported by Timo Werner, I think Germany will be the highest scorers (20)

Golden Glove Winner: David de Gea, meh

Surprise Player: Giovani Lo Celso, the future of Argentina, at 21 and currently playing for PSG, looks the business

Flop Player: Neymar

Your own bonus prediction: An England player to have a head cut and Terry Butcher’s legendary photo to be shown a million times